ONE DAY on the clock, with less that 50 sold left to reach the funding goal! Help me make the MAX PLUSH real! You can find it HERE!
Just a few hours left in the campaign with 30 more to go to get it funded! You can find the Max Plush here!
Makeship extended the campaign and gave me a 10% discount code to help it reach its goal! You now have a whopping 12 more days to get a Max plush. Thank you everyone who’s gotten it this far and helped push close to the coal in the home stretch of the campaign!
The discount code is: 63G2SZX7TPGV
Thank you everyone who’s contributed! If you pledged without the discount, that means more support for me and Paranatural. You have my sincere thanks!
ONE DAY on the clock, with less that 50 sold left to reach the funding goal! Help me make the MAX PLUSH real! You can find it HERE!
Just a few hours left in the campaign with 30 more to go to get it funded! You can find the Max Plush here!
Makeship extended the campaign and gave me a 10% discount code to help it reach its goal! You now have a whopping 12 more days to get a Max plush. Thank you everyone who’s gotten it this far and helped push close to the coal in the home stretch of the campaign!
The discount code is: 63G2SZX7TPGV
Thank you everyone who’s contributed! If you pledged without the discount, that means more support for me and Paranatural. You have my sincere thanks!
ONE DAY on the clock, with less that 50 sold left to reach the funding goal! Help me make the MAX PLUSH real! You can find it HERE!
Just a few hours left in the campaign with 30 more to go to get it funded! You can find the Max Plush here!
Makeship extended the campaign and gave me a 10% discount code to help it reach its goal! You now have a whopping 12 more days to get a Max plush. Thank you everyone who’s gotten it this far and helped push close to the coal in the home stretch of the campaign!
The discount code is: 63G2SZX7TPGV
Thank you everyone who’s contributed! If you pledged without the discount, that means more support for me and Paranatural. You have my sincere thanks!
i love unmasking with another autistic person and having the most bare-faced, just-the-essentials utilitarian 190 seconds talk possible that to anyone else sounds cold at best and even scathing at worst but we both walk away with a little shared thought bubble between us that says “finally, a fucking normal conversation.”
people reposting my tumblr posts to other sites pisses me off, but not because they’re “stealing my post” or whatever. it’s a tumblr post, it doesn’t have a copyright. it’s not a registered IP. I don’t have a patent on saying deranged things on the internet. it pisses me off because you don’t know my lore. I’m just a soundbite to you people. I’m not a fully realized character
Sorry pisshandkercheif please tell us your lore
well when I was a small boy my father took me into the city. to see a marching band
This could be a Garfield comic strip. It has the same format
people like to bring up things like “all your loved ones would die before you” as a concern re: immortality. But the real danger for me would be that i’d literally never get anything done again. I’d adopt the elvish lifestyle immediately. Not doing anything in a week that could be done in a century. Not getting anything done in a century that can be done in 10 centuries. Spending the next 100 years reading 1 book very slowly because i have infinite time and don’t care.
“sounds like a tomorrow problem! :)” - me several centuries in a row.
Everyone knows about Chekov’s Gun, but let me tell you about Hussie’s Gun
Hussie’s Gun is sitting on the mantle in act 1. In act 2, people keep commenting on the gun, but nothing happens. In Act 3 Act 1, someone puts flowers in the gun barrel. In Act 3 Act 2, the gun is randomly replaced by a Big Mouth Billy Bass. In Act 3 Act 3, they find the gun again. In Act 4 Act 1, they realize the gun was never loaded. In Act 4 Act 2, they fire the gun anyway, and the flowers still lodged in the barrel kill a villain who just happens to be allergic to flowers. In Act 4 Act 3, they lose the killer flower gun through a time portal. In act 4 Act 4 Act 1, they realize they need it again, so they steal it from the past and replace it with a big mouth billy bass…
In Act 6, they turn on the big mouth billy bass, and it starts firing the missing bullets everywhere.
17776 is the prettiest “what if” anyone could have ever imagined for humanity
the world is over but nobody told it. missed its own eulogy. came out of its coffin and threw a football in the air instead. a football is shot across the continental united states. it has no meaning. it has all the meaning. game is salvation. wearing a numbered jersey and playing across a few thousand years of land shouldnt matter. but it does. why? because we said it does. because love chose to make it matter. the end of the world was never the point. a little love in a football always was
The problem with having a child with an attorney that has spoken to the child like an adult since birth is that she’s 4 years old and she’s negotiating the order in which we’re going to complete tasks as a family to best suit her idea of an ideal day.
Penny: We go home, we play the mirror game, we have dessert, we play more games, we have fun deal?
Me: Okay well actually we’re going to go home, have dinner, then dessert, then we can play your video game, then tubby then bed
Penny: Okay no tubby, games first, deal?
Me: This is not - what is happening right now?
Penny: Dada?
Dada: Arbitration?
Penny: DEALS!
Every single thing in our lives has become a negotiation and it is frankly ridiculous as it is hilarious.
Penny: I want to use bare foot when we go outside
Me: I didn’t know we were going outside but you have to wear shoes girl
Penny: okay but what about I use bare foot’s but at Penny’s house? This deal?
Me: you know what yeah fine if you agree to not fight about shoes when we leave the house you can be barefoot in the back yard, deal.
Penny: -sticks her hand out expectantly- we deal?
I think I just made a verbal contract with a 4 year old.
She’s attempting to establish evidence I think
Penny: but I want to go shool pwease
Dada: okay well it is 8pm, so you have to go to sleep now
Penny: okay but I see my fwiends at shool now please, deal?
Dada: Darling no one is at school, all your friends are asleep as well.
Penny: all Penny’s fwiends are sweep? What about we… get in Dadas car and check to see watch them sweep, yes deal?
Dada: I cannot begin to explain to you why that can not happen
The great thing about being beholden to Penny the Deals Warlock is that she is also beholden to the art of the deal
Me: (watching Penny scoot her step stool over to where we keep the candy jar): hey honey we’re literally walking out the door to go get dinner, maybe we wait on the candy okay?
Penny: Oh but I will have some candy?
Me: Why don’t you come have some mac and cheese and then when we get home you can have some candy, deal?
Penny: (running out the door) oh, yes this is deals!
We are visiting my family and Papa has quickly had to pay patronage to Penny the Deals Warlock
Papa: (yesterday morning, when Penny was a little grumpy) What about you come downstairs and we’ll have some waffles and then tomorrow Papa will take you to the Diner in town for breakfast?
Penny: (extending her tiny hand to a VERY confused man) this is deal?
Penny (running down the hallway in bare feet) 👹BREAKFAST DEALS👹
Penny has a canker sore to end all canker sores, to the point where she hasn’t been able to eat so we had to make some deals surrounding getting some medicine on it because a hungry Penny Rose is like a angry demon queen
Me: Okay baby this is going to suck. This is going to hurt real bad for a second and then it’s going to feel weird and then it’s going to feel good. You’re going to hate it. But if you let Mama get these three medicines in and on you [Listerine, Antacid, Tylenol] you can scream it out and then we’ll go get some ice cream! Deal?
Penny: (obviously not thrilled with this idea) okay, three big shreams, three medicines, ice cream … it will suck… ice cream … deal. (Sticks out hand and we shake on it)
Me: okay let’s do this I’m so sorry (starts the process)
Penny: ( In between her big screams ) IM GONNA GET LOTS OF FRINKLES
My husband is trying to make a deal with Penny to get upstairs and get in the bath tub
Penny: I will go upstairs and get my body clean but you hafta titch me, deal?
Dada: I would love to make this deal with you kid but I literally have no idea what you are saying- I don’t know what the terms are, you’re speaking a language I don’t speak
Penny: you have to titch me like mama does okay DEAL!? (Sticks tiny hand out aggressively)
Dada: (looks at me bewildered for help)
Me: ( starts making a quick tick tick tick sound imitating a stop watch like I’m timing her, while penny jumps around yelling YES TITCH ME LIKE THAT)
Dada: In what world was I ever going to figure that out, thank you for acting as our legal interpreter yes deal let’s go!
and off she sprints.
Penny does not want to go to bed, but man is it time for her to go to bed
Penny: But I don’t want to be sleeping, I want to stay up now! I want to see Grampy and Cozy and Guppie and Papa!
Mama: What if we video call all the grands and say good night to everyone? If we do that will you then go to bed no fussing?
Penny: Oh yes, this is deals! -sticks her hand out to shake-
** we make the rounds and video call all her grandparents, they are all already in bed and say good night and penny hangs up the last video call and toddles into bed with minimal fussing **
Penny : (after a few minutes of silence, over the video monitor, to herself in her dark bedroom) I hafta respect da deals.
Every morning Penny wakes up, and she asks if we have decorated her house with “Halloween every where” and every morning I have had to tell her not yet baby but soon. This last morning Penny had to go to pre k a little earlier then she is used to cause Daddy had court and I had a dentist appointment, which made her a little bummed out… or so I thought
Me: Hey baby do you want to make a deal about school?
Penny: (immediately sticks out her hand, literally no hesitation, her entire demeanor changing in an instant) yes let’s deals, I will be big and brave and go to school no fussing, and you will put Halloween every where all over my house, okay this is deals Mama??
I think I just got hustled by a 4 year old…
A tangentially related update :
Penny: (is doing some strange interpretive dance to let us know she’s not a fan of the cup we’ve chosen to put her juice in, mind you this is the only clean cup at this moment. She is hopping up and down, and swinging her arm like an elephant trunk, she is pirouetting, her hands are on her hips. Shes is completely silent)
Husband: (exasperated) okay but DID you make a deal with SOMETHING while you were pregnant ? It’s the only explanation I can come up with.
never ceases to amaze me that you can make $200k a year doing a fake email job but people who take care of animals and old people make maybe $2 above minimum wage. sick society
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